Just Do Something: My Take on the Parable of the Talents

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charity, fear of failure, giving, God, Hole in Our Gospel, Parable, Richard Stearns, stewardship, talents, World Vision

Lately, I’ve been giving some serious thought to this old story I’ve heard since I was a kid. You’ve probably heard of it: “The parable of the talents.” Whether or not you are a Bible-believing person, this lesson on optimizing what you’ve got is a timeless message. No matter what you believe, we all could benefit from the wisdom in this profound ancient passage. If you are so inclined, it comes from Matthew 25:14-30. It could be seen as a lesson in financial stewardship, or maybe even more than that. In case your Bible is dusty, here’s a quick summary (the paraphrase is completely mine):

One day, a real estate boss gave out talents, or bags of gold (each bag was worth a large amount of money–we’re talking enough to buy property). To his top employee, he gave five bags of gold; to another, he gave two bags; and to the third guy, one bag. Their job was simply to invest the boss’s money and make it grow. Remember, the boss entrusted his own money with them, expecting a satisfactory ROI (return on investment).

After a year or so, the master called a meeting with each of his reports. The first employee said, “Here, boss. You gave me five bags; I’ve doubled your investment.” Proudly, the boss says, “Good job. You have been faithful with this. I will increase your job title and responsibility.” The second guy said, “Here, boss. You gave me two bags; I’ve come with four. Another 100% ROI, and the master is equally proud of him as stated in his identical response: “Good job. You have been faithful with this. You’re getting a promotion, too.” The third guy is embarrassed. Out of his issues with risk aversion and possibly a fear of failure, he hid the money in the ground and did not make any money. Clearly upset, the master says to him, “You idiot, you had my money the whole time and just sat on it. You didn’t even put it in the bank where you could have at least made some interest on it! You’re fired. Get out of here!”

Although my paraphrase isn’t exactly how it’s written, I tried to capture its original voice as accurately as I could. Note the vastly different reaction of the boss between the first two guys and the last guy. Further, the boss didn’t consider the employee #2 any less in his success. His overall yield was less than the first guy, but the master was equally proud of him. Then, I think about what it must be like to be “that” guy–to get shamed in front of the other employees, and how awful that must feel. He must have struggled with that ugly fear of failure that is familiar to many of us, and the results were costly.

Does either fear of failure or procrastination stop you from moving forward with something you think you’re supposed to do? In my experience, fear and procrastination are intertwined. I find myself entangled in this cycle quite often, and even as I write this.

God has given all of us something to work with. It could be a good brain, ability with numbers (I think I got passed over on that one), money, a good network, musical talents, ability to fix things, just to name a few. Some of us are not even sure what our talents are. No matter what, we can do something that empowers someone in our community, society, or maybe even the world. You need to recognize what that “something” is and give it an identity. Just start small. And do it daily or weekly. Watch it grow.

Our family of four has now been in Seattle for one year now. Our home group is reading “The Hole in Our Gospel” by Richard Stearns, President of World Vision, a reputable organization that gives aid to children around the world who live in impoverished or life-threatening situations. It is an eye-opening and challenging read. This book has made all of us realize how self absorbed we can be, even in the things that are not necessarily bad in and of themselves: our jobs, managing our families, trying to gain upward mobility, storing for our future.

In the U.S., the average salary is $25,000/year (as of 2015). In most parts of our world, the average person lives on $1/day or less. This is equivalent to $360/year. The spread between these two is ridiculous, and yet the problem seems so out of reach that we choose to do… nothing. Stearns’ point is that you don’t have to solve all of the world’s problems. Just do something.

Giving is also good for the health of your soul. Try thinking about someone who’s in need, even if you don’t know him/her, and do something about it–even if it’s just a meal or a few dollars, or maybe even a few hundred dollars. Let’s learn our lesson from the moron in the story. Don’t fail to do something just because you feel overwhelmed. Overwhelm doesn’t feed anyone. Fear doesn’t provide cures for sickness. If you’re the type that’s overprotective of your stuff, start small and grow in the practice of giving or take the opportunity to do something outside of yourself. As a bonus, you just might get a smile from Jesus. This is something you can’t put a price on.

Focused Relaxation

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injury, piano lessons, piano technique, relaxation, SAHM, stay at home mom

This may sound like a giant paradox, but this is what budding piano players (and all of us) need to understand: the concept of focused relaxation. Some will laugh when they hear that having the wrong technique at the piano could lead to serious physical injury. After all, it is the piano–not wrestling, football or gymnastics. My husband, an amateur golfer, would say that golfing employs a very similar concept. You must be relaxed but extremely intentional in your setup at the same time.

The point is that piano technique starts in the head, then seeps down to the arms, hands and fingers. The mental precedes the physical at all times.

When I see a well-intentioned piano student who really starts digging into the piano while vigorously attacking the keys, I wince at his effort. With his shoulders hovering over the keyboard and his power arms, he gives it all he’s got and is expecting much praise after breaking quite a sweat. However, after the ending, I think of what my teacher would say from University: You cannot force sound from self-powered tension. Even your musical output suffers because we can hear that it’s muscled energy and not “natural.” Intensity does not need to involve tension.

In the long run, good technique not only frees up the student to play really well, but importantly, serves as injury prevention. I know and have heard of many accomplished pianists who suffer from permanent injury because they were not very aware of their stress; sadly, these dazzling talents are now unable to play. I’ve seen people who pain themselves to portray a calm, collected person who’s in control when they are a mess underneath the guise. I am sometimes one of them. Pain awaits them.

Some of us may identify with the notion that a certain career or life move would be the key to ultimate satisfaction. For others, we’ve worked relentlessly on a project or a job while losing sight of the purpose. Or someone pulled a bait-and-switch on us and the point of the whole thing just got flushed down the toilet. Injury.

For me, my mind is flooded with “to do” lists while managing four different schedules and tactical needs as well as emotional needs, which are more tricky. On a typical day, I will have changed about five diapers, dressed and undressed 1 1/2 children (daughter dresses herself half the time), brushed their teeth once or twice and maybe their hair, prepared breakfast, refereed fights, cleaned up breakfast, provided snacks, cleaned up, fixed lunch for them, then cleaned that up, along with a usual spill of milk all over the wood floor, mopped that up, then flipped through recipes for a 30-minute dinner which probably tasted only halfway decent at best because I omitted the ingredients I didn’t have.

At the end of the day, I feel neither focused nor relaxed, nor fulfilled – if I were to be honest. When I reminisce about my earlier days of piano training, the rarest and most special moments came when I had a combination of tack-sharp focus and a surrendered, relaxed heart and mind.

Have you ever been injured as a result of overextending yourself or neglecting to care for yourself? What do you do for self care? Don’t get stuck like me in a guilt trap when I pause activity for an hour or two. All my leftover time spent on the internet isn’t working and my smart phone is not making me smarter. How about you?

Courage in the Making

Tags

Chicago, courage, piano lessons, Serenity Prayer

Chicago – Summer 1996 

A BIT ABOUT MY BACKGROUND

I was one of those kids who expressed a very early interest in the piano from age two or so. My Korean-American parents who never subscribed to a cable channel must have been running PBS shows in the background when something must have struck me; as a toddler, I was glued to the TV every time a concert pianist performed. They tell stories of me pretending to play piano on our 70s dinner table next to my doll with retractable eyelids. After seeing pictures that prove this, I’m relieved to know that she was awake during our duets.

Then, I remember the day two guys knocked on our door and started wheeling in an upright Baldwin the day after my 6^th birthday; I couldn’t actually believe this large instrument was for me because we lived quite humbly at the time. Fast forward to senior year of high school, I decided to apply as an English major to two schools, and apply as a Piano major to two other schools. After some back and forth drama, I finally accepted a full scholarship to study music at the University of Texas at Austin.

I guess I’d call myself a semi-serious piano teacher, but definitely not a super serious one. However, I’ve taught enough to gather some insights about how we learn, how people are wired differently, and what holds them back from playing well. What many don’t realize is that studying music is so much more than being able to play fast notes to impress others or win trophies. I’m embarking on a series of thoughts I decided to put together –  mostly for my own reflective practice, but I’m also hoping they strike a chord with you as well (pun may have been intended), regardless of your musical training.

Courage In The Making

Last week, I had a frank conversation with a parent regarding her daughter who has been studying with me for over three years. “Jenny” has been one of my favorite students because of her openness to learn, although she isn’t a great performer when it’s time. Her mother asked a common question: “Is she actually improving, Grace?” I could hear the concern and slight insecurity in her voice. In Jenny’s case, she is a quiet natured, introverted girl who is extremely careful at all times. At the same time, she is endearing and gentle natured. I told Jenny’s mother that I believe one of the things that holds her back from progressing is her being afraid to take risks. When I ask her to play a section with more boldness or more gusto, she has a difficult time doing so. It also holds her back from trying new things. She gets stuck in the middle. The great thing about her is that unlike most teens or preteens, she has the patience to stick it out even when times get…well, unfun. I call it “delayed gratification.” The rewards come at a cost. She does not advance quickly, but she is a steady and consistent piano player.

Back to the part about risk taking, so many of us have grown up to be adults who are afraid to take risks, even calculated ones. Playing the piano is largely a solitary discipline and some people have a hard time stepping out of their norms, even on a benign instrument. The reality is that people are concerned with fear of failure, fear of vulnerability or looking stupid if things don’t come out right. When there’s an opportunity to do something a little daring, my default voice always says, “That’s just not me.” I know there’s a deep internal reward to taking a step outside of my comfort zone, then realizing I am capable.

Though it seems that we constantly hear messages like “the power is within you,” the truth is that the power resides in you and me. His name is God and he’s cheering you on at every moment. When his love his fully realized in me, I get the courage and power to do things I didn’t think I could do. Small victories lead to bigger victories.

When I look back to my college years, sometimes I can’t believe I had the guts to do the things I did because I was not by any means an adventurous person. I grew up in a very sheltered family unit, but there was a small driving force within me to try new things. I think about the time I was a month shy of 20 years old, through some serendipitous timing (that’s another story), I landed an internship in downtown Chicago as an intern for the Chicago Symphony. THE Chicago Symphony, which is in the Top 10 of world class orchestras. My first time in Chicago, I found my way around the “L,” not knowing anyone, and then had one memorable summer of learning and meeting great people. Although I hated running, I thought it was so cool to put on my Walkman and run from my apartment to Wrigley Field. I think I did that run about three times until it wasn’t so cool anymore.

After seeing a little sign on Michigan Avenue (I believe it was the Blackstone Hotel), I even waited in a room to try out to be an extra in the movie, “My Best Friend’s Wedding” with Julia Roberts. Once the lady with the clipboard found that I didn’t have an agent, she dismissed me as a fraud and a wanna-be. That summer was an important experience for me, not because it built my resume, but because it was a building block to my character growth. Oh, to have that kind of freedom to try new things…. Now that I’m a full blown mom of two, I think my risk taking sensibilities are embedded under a pile of kids’ laundry, or maybe they just look different now. I’ve been asking God to reveal how I can stretch myself at this stage of life. Actually, writing this blog has been one a big fat step of courage for me. All the typical insecurities keep popping into my head, especially this one: “What if no one thinks this is worth their valuable web time?”

Without the risk of failure, courage cannot exist.

I do think of this famous Serenity Prayer. Many of us haven’t heard the second half:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

Kindergarten – Ready Or Not, Here I Wait.

Tags

kindergarten early entry, kindergarten holding back, kindergarten readiness, Outliers, preschool, redshirting

What is Redshirting?

Are you thinking about either holding back your child from starting Kindergarten or enrolling your younger-than-normal Kindergartener this fall? If you have been in this position or are considering this now, I understand how weighty this decision feels. I’m sure you have heard of those who hold back their five-year olds, referred to as “redshirting,” for the main purpose of giving them an advantage in sports or academics in the near or distant future. According to many parents and educational experts, redshirting can have short-term and long-term benefits. The term was first used in reference to college athletes who engaged in delayed entry as a means of enhancing their chances of placement on sports teams. I admit, I’ve been obsessed with gathering information about this issue in hopes of gaining wisdom and insight. I’ve gathered some data and also subjective thoughts on this topic.

We obviously didn’t check the school calendar for smart planned parenthood: Both my kids, a girl and a boy, have borderline cutoff birthdays, in September and August. In Washington State, it’s a strict August 31 cutoff. While my daughter is still just age 4 1/2, I will have to pay for a child psychologist to give her a lengthy, expensive assessment in which she must pass at an equivalent of age five years, six months, in all areas of readiness, even though she’s a year shy of the suggested standard for testing purposes.

Of course, I am totally biased as her mother. In my estimation, she is verbally expressive and has a knack for language, reads sight word books and so on. As a current four year-old, she is as socially and academically compatible as other five-year olds I see. In today’s day and age where schools are pressured with test scores, administrators do not like younger students entering their classrooms. It’s not only more work for teachers in general (lest they should help a few kids tie their shoes), but often, I am told anecdotally that they sometimes lower the school’s average test scores and ratings. It is not only educated parents who are eager to start their kids even if they are a bit young; the unfortunate reality is that data shows many parents simply cannot afford preschool or childcare, so sending their young children to school, even a bit prematurely, is a favorable option for working parents in lower or middle class families.

This veers into the murky political realm where reputation and school funding are in the mix. During a recent kindergarten orientation session I attended, the principal expressed that it is not uncommon to have an 18-month spread between the youngest and the oldest students, and she seemed to be in favor of the older students. This unfortunate form of Darwinism creeps in, even as early as the preschool years, and it only gets more pronounced with age.

Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers

Regarding this topic, everyone cites the famous section in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers about the Canadian professional hockey team. In short, he found a remarkable correlation between the team’s top-ranked athletes and their relatively early January or February birthdays, compared to other players whose birthdays were later. Granted, much of their training occurred in the youngest grades where physical size directly influenced their placement on the training circuit. I can bet the farm that my daughter will not become a professional Canadian hockey player. Unless you feel that this study is closely relevant to your child, I wouldn’t fall into the temptation of using this book as a basis for redshirting your child.

Could There Actually Be Harm In Redshirting?

So could we actually be doing harm in redshirting our children? Some researchers believe so. Depending on location, 10-20% of kindergarten-age kids in 2011 were held back from starting kindergarten. Brain scientists Sam Wang and Sandra Aamodt claim that the academic playing field between younger and older students level out by fifth or sixth grade. In a large-scale study of 26 Canadian schools, the younger students made larger strides in improvement than their older peers. They even say that by high school, the older children are often “less motivated and perform less well.” I have plenty of anecdotal evidence among my network of summer and fall birthday friends and peers who stood as the youngest in their class (I will include myself). In terms of career advancement and academic prowess, any assumed disadvantages dissipated as many of them became elites in their professional fields. My theory is that being a little bit younger than your peers is not correlated to how you succeed in the long run.

Boys And Girls

With all of this said, as a mom who would enroll my four year-old into kindergarten if I could, I risk becoming a gender-typing hypocrite. Yes, I will probably hold back my son, who will actually turn five a week before the cutoff. We are not doing it because we think he is slated to become an athletic star; like everyone says, little boys and girls are just plain different at this age. As his parents, we have a gut feeling that giving our son another year will be the right thing for him. From the experience of having two different children who represent different paths, this statement is trite but true: each child is unique and has different needs. I guess I just don’t like being told what to do.